How to Be Good at Start-Ups

  1. Capitalism: Walk the Walk
    1. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, back up your sardonic grin with brutal, backstabbing savagery.
    2. How much can YOU get away with?
  2. Egos
    1. Cultivate your ego. Now swing that thing around!
  3. HOT GRIME
    1. Look anywhere between 18-24 hours unshowered for that perfect grimy look
    2. Freshly showered, dressed for business? Are you the CEO? No? Don’t make me laugh!
  4. Work frenemies
    1. Paranoia is your best work friend.
    2. There are only two kinds of people in a start-up: LEADERS and FOLLOWERS. Which one are you???
  5. YOUTH
    1. Old people are sad.
    2. We run on the stench of last night’s party clinging to your young, sweaty jacket. Mmm.
    3. Work-life balance? You mean WORK HARD, PLAY HARD? Beers at 6!!!!
  6. Emulation
    1. For the weaker-egoed and quaint older folks only.
    2. Pick: Gates, Jobs, or your boss’s boss.
  7. What even are women????
    1. Mostly good for HR and Customer Service.
    2. Also ruining things.
  8. YOU DESERVE THIS
    1. You are a genius.
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